Humiliation

 

Few people understand the concept of humiliation and that it can be markedly different from degradation. In my view, degradation is more hardcore toward the goal of emasculating a male. Using humiliation techniques, there is no attempt to allow redemption for the slave or for the slave to regain status. Therefore, no attempt is made toward the overall constructive process of building a slave into a well-trained one.

At the same time, some males fantasize about being degraded; however, I don’t think they understand exactly what the term and the process of degradation mean. Humiliation happens in varied degrees and can be phased into your relationship. The fact is, everyone has her own idea of what humiliation means to her. My view about the differences between degradation and constructive humiliation used for sexual fantasy are my own, based on my own very real and longstanding experiences.

 

Some dominants humiliate their property in a condescending fashion because they truly believe they are superior to their slaves, or because they have serious ego problems. The simplest way they can feel superior is to project pain on another individual by degrading and humiliating that person. Such play is, in my opinion, nonconsensual and disrespectful.

If you are truly a respected Domina or a person evolved in real life mastery experience, you consider all the repercussions of your actions on your slave. Although one of your motives is to seek self-fulfillment, you are also a Goddess. A Goddess is a teacher, lover, whore, bitch, mother, and much more. Her dynamics are complex, and her intentions may seem selfish at times. However, if she truly is a Goddess, she will look at the whole picture of her treatment of the male as part of a constructive plan for him, and therefore, for her. At the same time, she may use her male for her own amusement or entertainment, or even to boost her self-esteem; but she realizes the ramifications of such play and takes responsibility for it and the consequences. She will seek balance after she has nourished her spirit.

Why do males fantasize about humiliation?

Society has historically expected men to be strong and purposeful. Submission isn’t part of that package and many men have historically hidden their submissive desires, including their need for or fascination with humiliation. Even though a male fantasizes about it, he finds it difficult to act against his inbred learning and relinquish control in the way he truly wants and needs.

His submissive fantasies leave him feeling guilty and confused. In order to taste the reality of his desire for submission, he conjures up an subconscious plan to savor it, or he may very well know what immerses him almost unconsciously into submissive headspace.

Fantasies of force and humiliation are very common for repressed males because they almost always remove the unacceptable responsibility of agreeing to subjugation. Unless he is truly submissive by nature, he can’t just flick on a switch and be totally submissive no matter how strong his desire, not in his real world. When he is forced (even if it was his idea), he has no choice, and therefore no responsibility for his actions. Men adore forced activities that move them closer to what they really want.

The most common types of force and humiliation are:

Strap-on play

Even if he isn’t into anal play, he’ll cower into submission at the site of a woman wearing a cock larger than his. Place him on his knees and make him suck it. The use of a strapon may rank up there with many repressed submissive men’s ultimate fantasies. Try talking to him and see what reaction you get to, “Look at your little weenie next to MY BIG COCK, little man.”

Cross-dressing

Men are either into cross-dressing or they are not, but those who have those latent desires very often yearn to be forced into feminization, which is often associated with cross-dressing. Whether or not your male is intrigued by cross-dressing, it’ a fabulous tool in helping him move quickly and deeply into sub space. I’ve done this on many occasions where the male was almost adamant in not wearing women’s clothing, but the results were almost always powerfully submissive. You don’t need to be cruel in your force, for this will only bring unpleasant results.

Try talking to him. “John, you will do this for me because it’s what I want. It doesn’t matter why I want it. You will do this for me because you are devoted to me. If you don’t do it, I will simply lose interest in all of this and will have no further use for you.” That pretty much brings him the point very clearly because he doesn’t want you to lose interest in kinky sex, especially if he initiated it or has finally found it after years of searching.

How do you get started in cross-dressing a reluctant male?
One of the ultimate male fantasies revolves around silky panties. Have him remove his clothes and put on a silky pair of panties. Later you can introduce more provocative lingerie like teddies and stockings. Once he has struggled into the panties, inspect him closely and carefully. Your purposeful inspection, another male fantasy, will be a humiliating process for him. That humiliation will evolve into intrigue when he sees that you are taking joy in his dilemma. Touch the panties slowly with your fingers and rub the fabric against his cock. Tell him what a sexy, slut-bitch he is, and how you just might need to take advantage of him.

Words are important in the cross-dressing process. While “slut-bitch” might be your chosen term for your male, there are others that fascinate many men. I have used some or all of the following: whore, bitch, slut, sissy, and more. Find the ones that immerse your male in his own sub-space and use them to your advantage, carefully and slowly.

What’s next for the cross-dresser?
You may tell your male to wear silky panties under his work clothes and that if he performs as you direct, that you’ll be thinking about him all day. The thought of wearing panties to work and your interest in him for doing as you instruct will cause him to be mindful of his state and status all day. He will also get a BIG surprise when he gets home. For someone who enjoys humiliation, they’ll have hours of foreplay simply by wearing the prescribed panties.

When he gets home, tell him that you were thinking of him and ask him what his thoughts were. Insist that he answer you while looking you in the eye, even if it is from his knees. Having to face his Domina directly and report on his own self-titillation is a significant aspect of humiliation play in that it deepens the male’s feelings of submission to you.

Cross-dressing can metamorphose into role-play and in role-play you’ll have many new opportunities to humiliate him. The key is to find your interest as well as his triggers. He could dress like a young girl and be your silly sissy. You could make him sing childish songs and play with dolls. This role-play should not be mistaken for infantilism, which is not about humiliation. It is another type of scene psychology altogether.

Special Note: A cross-dresser might enjoy the feeling of women’s clothing and this is more of a fetish. If he truly wants to be a woman, that takes it into a whole other field of transgender behavior. You DON’T want to humiliate if this is the case. Transvestism is a whole other field of study.

Doggy Training

Almost the classic ultimate of humiliation play, doggy or puppy training is a most effective means to throw your male deep into humiliation and the sub-space that results from it. Instruct him to wear a dog collar, and that whenever you place the collar on his neck he must immediately become your dog. Have him crawl, bark instead of speaking, eat in dog bowls, and perhaps use paper for waste elimination. Put a leash on his collar, and take him in the yard to pee (if you have a privacy-fence or live in the country, then forcing a male to crawl and lift his leg against a tree, or better yet, squat, will drop him almost immediately into deep sub-space).

Dog training can be very playful and an excellent way for a novice to break into dominance and submissive. You can embarrass your puppy because it is part of the game, or it seems more so with role-play. Puppy and dog training are also longstanding male fantasies and you can use that to your advantage.

Forced Bi

Forcing a male to be with or think about being with another male in a sexual setting is a powerful tool in your arsenal of humiliation techniques. He doesn’t actually need to be with another man for you to accomplish what you want. Use your creativity and talk about what you plan to do. Watch his face for signs of disbelief and make sure he looks you in the eye, even from his knees, so he knows that you are serious.

If you can learn how to “talk dirty,” you’re going to excel at this because certain words are triggers that work with most men and when he reacts to your terminology and tone, the scene becomes much hotter. Learning how to do this is hard for many women but with practice you’ll become a pro. When you realize how effective it is, you’ll use it all the time. Some words can even become catalysts that will move your slave into sub-space with little more than the single word spoken quietly, or even whispered, to him.

Because it’s one of my favorite activities, I have formalized the way I use “dirty talk” in my scenes. I like to use a blowup male sex doll, the kind with a cock, mouth, and asshole. I tell him to suck the doll’s cock (yet never refer to it as a doll), fuck him in the ass, and stick his cock in his mouth. This process is enhanced by mood, so dim the lights, create a sexy space, and you’ll see that this trick is VERY effective. Of course, the more realistic the doll is, the better the game.

Public Humiliation

Once you feel comfortable with your male’s reactions to your words, subtlety and play style, you can move it into the sunshine. But be very sure that you are using care and consideration for others. Never involve non-consenting others in your play! Everything you do in the public arena should be subtle so that you don’t impose your scene onto unwitting others.

Public humiliation is a wide open and fascinating game. Public embarrassment is its fundamental definition. Your slave doesn’t have to be discovered by others. What makes it work is that it is more about the fear he suffers from being discovered. I’ve painted my males’ nails pussy pink, made them wear a black teddy under a white shirt, wear fishnet stockings under pants with no socks, wear a collar in public, order his food at dinner or order food only for me and pass him the leftovers. This list should be expanded by what turns you on and what pleases you the most. Add to that what he is most frightened of or causes him the most apprehension and you have a winning combination.
Humiliation’s Potential

There are so many things you can do with humiliation. You need to tread lightly and wait for his reaction before going deeper or farther with him. Watch him closely, and see what causes the most significant outward reaction with him before moving on. It’s important to communicate constantly and understand what types of humiliation really drive him into that sub-space. Remain flexible because he may think he wants something only to realize it’s not what he thought it was once he has tried it. This is often the case with fantasy. Some are best left in the imagination.

No one really understands all the dynamics of sexual fantasy. Many people write books and have theories about it but in my “hands on” experience, I have yet to figure out every single dynamic. The beauty of humiliation in part is that it is ever-changing and ever-growing. I shared one view with you in the beginning of my article; that males use the force or humiliation dynamic to “force” themselves into submission. I’ve found this to be the most common reason, and there could be many psychological reasons. There are times when it’s best he seek professional help and that you are aware of the warning signs. I’ll discuss these in a moment.

All scenes and fantasies should have a beginning and end. You should use an object or word that starts a fantasy and you should discuss ahead of time what stops it. Sometimes it just isn’t working for someone and that person needs to be honest in saying so. You can always try again later. Retain a good sense of humor toward yourself because sometimes that is the best reaction to a scene that simply doesn’t work.

Aftercare

Aftercare is essential to any scene, especially after a heavy dose of humiliation. Many fears are setting in on your male right now. He worries about how you will envision him tomorrow. “Will she still feel the same way about me?” he wonders. He also questions how his humiliation in front of you will affect your entire relationship. It’s important for both of you to spend time after a scene re-establishing and reinforcing your existing relationship. The fantasy should be over when you are done and allowing the fantasy to remain just that, a fantasy or game you play to enhance your bond, you are affirming him and what he has just undergone. Aftercare could include cuddling, kissing, relaxing together in a hot tub, or anything the two of you do together that is intimate. Now is the perfect time to talk about your feelings you experienced during the fantasy. You might also discuss any changes you’d like to try the next time you play the game. It’s important to let him talk.

There may be cathartic incidents that will bring heavy emotions such as uncontrollable crying or shaking. Reassuring them with love and affection is part of aftercare. These cathartic releases can be quite liberating for many males even if they seem confused or upset. Watch them carefully afterwards and look for other signs. Be empathetic to what they are going through; it’s critical for you to be both in charge as well as responsible.

You’ve heard it a hundred times for a reason; communication is the only way to avoid misunderstandings.

Constructive humiliation can help a person move beyond fears and perhaps even heal old wounds. Someone may want to enact fantasy as a way of “owning” a painful experience, and through their fantasy they are able to overcome some of their pain.

Therapeutic play is a personal choice and a controversial topic. For example:

A man fantasizes about humiliation. He wants to be told that he has a little dick, that he’s useless as a man, and that he’s worthless. Subconsciously he may be battling with these feelings or moving through a particularly stressful period in his life. Very dominant and controlling men often have some of these fantasies. Role reversal through humiliation play helps them gain balance and relieve stress. If they have these feelings, instead of internalizing them, they project them in order to “own” them and purge them. The typical player who enjoys this type of scene will only require doses of humiliation once a month, every six months, or less often. Like a cyst, it wells inside of him, growing and growing, demanding to be released. Once it’s released, he can go about his every day life. If unexplored, it can be driven into the form of an obsession.

Watch for Warning Signs

Warning signs that humiliation play is becoming too much for your male might be evidenced when this is the only way he can enjoy intimacy with you. When he becomes obsessed daily with this activity and cannot be intimate with you without your calling him names, humiliating him or making him eat from a dog dish, he could be developing a problem.

It’s natural for any male to be overly excited when first starting out, and it’s equally exciting for him to want to be humiliated because it’s new and exhilarating. After a few weeks or months, if he’s unable to enjoy other types of intimacy or he shows signs of depression, he may need help and certainly continued humiliation play is not in order. He may likely try to hide it from you, but you’ll notice the changes in his life if you practice your empathy and try to feel what he is feeling.

The signs? He won’t act like himself and he may withdraw. After a scene, you may notice signs of depression or that he seems distant. He may even force himself into doing it again and you’ll probably notice that he is uncomfortable no matter what you try, even those things that sparked him a few weeks ago. If you notice these signs, it’s best to sit him down and talk about it. He may not want to talk about right away; use comforting aftercare and reassure him that you care about him. Try to get him involved in another form of intimacy, such as cuddling or taking a nice long walk together. When he’s ready to open up, you should talk to him about seeing a professional who can help him find his enjoyment again. Tell him that you support him 100%.

Then you should both seek out a therapist who is “Kink Aware” and friendly.
However, if someone is not on this list, interview the professional to see what their views are on BDSM & fetish. If they view it as a disorder or with negativity, you may want to keep searching until you find someone you feel comfortable with.
Always remember that sexual fantasy is meant to enhance the relationship you already have. It’s not meant to replace the feelings of intimacy you share now but hopefully it will intensify them. Exploring sexual fantasy won’t fix a bad relationship. You should only explore sexual alternatives if your relationship is healthy and you’ve established trust with your partner. If you have any ulterior motives such as fear of rejection, insecurity or feel forced, you should not explore sexual alternatives but look at securing the relationship first.

Speak to Goddess Dianna Vesta 

Advice, concerns, ideas or explore sexual fantasies.

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